I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
