I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
