Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
