A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I need moral support for this bender
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
