got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
