But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
