dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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