I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
