Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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