with your own penis?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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