It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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