i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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