I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
