How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
