What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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