I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
