I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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