my shit smells like andre
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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