How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You pole danced in your parka.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
