someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
