Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i will never coherently bang her
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
