I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
