Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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