we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
