I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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