So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
