he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
