I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
