I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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