they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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