No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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