In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
