if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
