Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
