And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
