u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
