We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
