Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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