I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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