I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
its liver damage thursday
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
