Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
