So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
