theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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