And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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