Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You can't special order awesome
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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