How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
