he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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