I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
