Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
