I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
