I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
