somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Randomize
