I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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