Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
