Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
