My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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