Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
