Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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