the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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