Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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