I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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