I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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