I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
