i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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