all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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