I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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