My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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