you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
