All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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