yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
