apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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