allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
