If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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