No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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