He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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