Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
