so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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